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THIS IS A FRIENDS ONLY JOURNAL
Comment here to be added, if you'd really like. :)

Loves:
Art, Video Games, Johnny Depp, Kingdom Hearts, Sex and the City, Tim Burton, Fanfiction, Deviantart, Biker Mice from Mars, Disney, Orlando Bloom, Pirates of the Caribbean, Lord of the Rings

I Ship:
Depp Slash
Mort/Dean
The London Trio
(Sweeney Todd, Frederick Abberline, Ichabod Crane)
George/Sands
Roux/Cesar
Sam/Gilbert
George/Dean
Morton/Shooter
Raphael/Lin
Axel/Wade
Ed/ "Crybaby" Wade
Spencer/Gene
James Barrie/Captain Hook
Turpin slash
(Fredpin, Ichabin, Sweepin)
Burton Trio
(Mad Hatter/Willy Wonka/Edward Scissorhands)
Jack/Barbossa
Jack/Will
Jack/Bill
John Dillinger/Billie Frechette/Melvin Purvis



  finally getting around to making a proper page at Archive of Our Own because i need some place to dump/store all my old finished works and start posting new ones for Hobbit and what not.

  feels like im starting from scratch all over the place. mixed feelings about that.
  settling into new digs, and have been battling a cold/flu, which everyone in the house caught. really no wonder, considering we moved in 2 feet of snow and 12 degree whether into a freezing and drafty house. :(

  but things are warming up in every sense. just got internet back today, hence no updates since my first random one a week or so ago.

 one kid asleep in bed, trying to get the other down now.

 marathoning scrubs with hubby and plotting hobbit slash. so much hobbit slash.
   Holy hell, I live!


    Well, after more or less dropping off the face of the internet for what...six, seven months? I have returned to a more normal level activity and am attempting to go about updating and rebooting my old pages, including this one.

    I can pretty safely say I'm not the person I was many months ago. Since then, I have been through a really bad bout of depression, followed by postpartum depression, that left me bare and unable to deal with just about anything. I completely withdrew from people and any kind of social life I had, I stopped writing or drawing, I stopped participating in fandoms that I love, I just...quit everything because I was simply consumed with worry and stress and self-loathing.
   
   I had my daughter on September 4th, at 32 weeks, which made her two months early. The premature later was preceeded by an absolute freak out on my part, which was innitated by my body apparently going into labor without me realizing it, and oldest daughter Natalie trying to drink a bottle of lysol.
   All trauma and hysterics aside, my newest addition, Alana Faye Woodside was born via C-Section at 10:33 pm, weighing in at a miniscule 3lbs and 11 ounces.
   I spent four days in the hospital recovering and going from depression immediately into postpartum depression. My daughter, being so small and simply unable to even attempt eating herself, stayed in the NICU for an agonizing two months. Kevin and I divided our time between the hospital, work, and our other child, leaving no time to do much else.

   I have been seeing a therapist regularly and had a mess of medications prescribed to me. Which again left me with zero drive to do anything but sleep and mindlessly watch television when I was spending time with my children.

   Family members were a mixed blessing. Some were very supportive, while others seemed to go out of their way to make everything worse.
  But finally our little girl came home on Nov. 8th, having been on a feeding tube right up until the day of her release.

   Then the holidays were upon us and that was a whirlwind of juggling the again not-so-helpful family and our priorities, which lead to many arguments, fights, and so on. Alana and Natalie are getting along great, and Natalie loves being a big sister.

   Now we come to the end of January.
    Saturday is moving day for us, as we have purchased a home (my father-in-law's former house) where my husband grew up.  Four bedrooms, huge yard, fire place, basement and garage and all ours. Though the house is old and needs work, we are thrilled that we can actually do work on it, where as the home we have been rented was destined to remain painfully untouched due to our landlord's preference of keeping it as fuguly as possible. Well, it's about to be someone else's fucking problem, so ha!

   Natalie is 2, going on 3 and is INSANELY smart. I am so proud. :) She also seems oddly fond of Tim Burton movies, which she just calls "bones" and requested to watch Corpse Bride so much she broke it. She is so my child. I am teaching her about the Hobbit and she is in love with all things fairy or princess related. As much as I thought I would choke on all the pink and sparkles this kid is all about, I actually kind of love it, and can endorse her love of princesses while teaching her not to grow up to be a snotty little princess like so many girls I grew up with that had the same obsessions. Plus she loves dirt, bugs, and her daddy's action figures which she calls "daddy's dollies." HA.HA.

   I'm not fully out of the woods with my depression issues. I still struggle with self-loathing, and yes, even self-harm. Juggling to children is just about as hard as I figured it would be, if not harder, but I love my girls so much, I wouldn't trade them for anything. My husband and I are looking forward to starting over in our new place and putting this past God-awful year behind us all. We still have a long road to go, but despite our problems and ups and downs, we always come back and find each other again. It's taken a long time for him to get his head around my mental and emotional issues, but I feel like he's moving towards understanding and I feel like I am finally starting to come out of the other side of this nightmare.

  I have returned to writing, though it is at far slower pace. I hope my art will eventually follow, but I can't rush it.

  I haven't worked on any of my old projects that need finishing (what a surprise, huh?) Mostly because I need something NEW to revitalize me, and that new thing is apparently the Hobbit...(facepalm)

  I really and truly did miss adventures in Middle Earth, and was such a huge fan of the trilogy and had read the books and enjoyed them back in the day when I first got them in my teens. You know, over 17 years ago. O_o
 And I never, ever, ever would have guessed this movie would make me love it like it did. I mean...LOVE it. Not quite the obsessive way I love Johnny Depp, but pretty damn close. And never would I have guessed Peter FUCKING Jackson would make me want to see THORIN OAKENSHIELD and BILBO BAGGINS together. Naked. Doing gay things.
 GOD DAMMIT, PETER, WHERE DO YOU KEEP FINDING THESE GORGEOUS MEN!? SERIOUSLY!!?!?!?

  So yeah, that's been my current project, pretty much started within the last week. Get ready. There will be ALL KINDS of Middle Earth shenanigans all over this place and DA. There will be no escape.

  As for all the Depp Slash I am used to and known for, it is sitting comfortably, waiting for it's time. After five years, I really think Johnny could use a break of me writing gay porn about him and himself...and occasionally other people, but mostly himself.  A nice time of rest before Lone Ranger hits theaters this July will be good for me, and it will keep me preoccupied from over obsessing with Bilbo and the gang until Desolation of Smaug comes out in theaters this December. (squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!)

 So that's been my life for the last eight months. Fascinating, eh?

  Here's pics of the kiddos:
photo(3)
photo(12)
302
287

 

Jun. 21st, 2012

  Wow this thing has cobwebs on it. Poor LJ.
 
   While I've certainly still been around the net, I've been kind of distant from my usual haunts, including DA. Although I still post there, I don't spend much time doing anything other than that. Real Life has been quite cumbersome enough these last few months to allow me to really delve into any of my fandom communities the way that I used to, even if I remain active. That's just how it is again. I'm not going to promise to be back to regular updates any time soon, just because I know that's a promise I can't be sure to keep. My pregnancy is going much the same way as my last one with many of the same complications. But so far at least I haven't been put on bed rest. Keep your fingers crossed!
 However I know that our living situation is going to change sometime within the next 4 to 6 months, which really drives me crazy because I feel like we can't get a grip on things. The latest development has us living in our rented home until sometime this fall, (GREAT fucking timing considering I'll be either ready to pop or will be unable to move having just given birth and had surgery) and then possibly moving into Kevin's old house, which is brother is currently occupying but plans to move out of to live with his girlfriend. See? Way too many what if factors for my comfort.
 So since I can't get anyone to give me a clear picture of what's going on and when, I have just sort of said "fuck it" and am doing the best with what's at hand. And once again I've gotten busy with something else and lost my train of thought.

Well that's all for now folks!
  Just a quick line to say that our lap-top is having major issues, and so until we get the problem resolved I will be on a bit of a hiatus. Hopefully will be back soon!



 Well another week slipped by.
 While the week itself was uneventful, tiring and somewhat frustrating, this weekend was rather glorious.

First of all, though this technically came out a little earlier, the Dark Shadows trailer finally appeared!



It's...not what I was expecting. Oh the first 42 seconds are pretty spot on, but as soon as Barnabas utters the phrase "1972...?" things get...funky.
I've watched this thing a hundred times now and it really has grown on me. However, it caused major backlash in the fandom. Those who were fans of the original series and were really counting on Tim to do something very close to the source material were to say, sorely disappointed. At least at this point. I think this  movie has a lot more going for it than the trailer lets on. This 2 minute preview gives us a little too much camp and comedy. It's great but it's not really what the story was about. I'm sure in context it will  be better, but I think the majority of fans were looking for more drama, more dark. I mean, it is a vampire movie after all. Essentially a supernatural romance! This...this is Tim getting his groove on I think.
Anyway, I'll be seeing this opening weekend regardless, if not opening night and I will enjoy it immensely. Even if it isn't all I hope. You know why?
Besides the fact that it is Johnny, and frankly he can do no wrong, even when the movie he's in is terrible (i.e. The Astronaut's Wife), I have the all mighty power of fanon.
Emily and I have such plans for this story. Many we're already working on going from the original source material. So even if this  movie falls face first on itself, in my head it will be fantastic.
So there.



Alright, other weekend news!
Well, this past weekend I got an iphone quite sporadically. My old phone was ancient and unreliable and overall just a piece of shit. After our car trouble the last week that left me in a panic with no way to call for help, we decided it was just time to fix this friggin problem. I got it dirt cheap since we were due for an upgrade. Like the whole freaking thing cost me 38 dollars.
I have been derping around on it since, it is horribly addictive to play games and watch youtube. For other things it kind of sucks. Like web browsing is actually kind of terrible, or at least it is for me because I probably haven't figured all of the kinks out yet.
Kevin got his today so he's also being sucked into it.


Saturday was especially productive though not all together festive. We kind of glanced over St. Patrick's day this year. With me being pregnant, most of the food is somewhat unappealing, and not even a shamrock shake could entice me. We did wear green, but that was about it.
 We worked all day in the yard, and most of the town treated it like it was the first day of summer.
Today was much less productive. Nat has been a handful and a half and therefore driving me and her father insane.
I'm expanding like quick-rise bread over here, with my belly already showing when I can't be more than 2 and half months. The doctor said that it was because my muscles let go much quicker this time, but damn! I'm already getting to the point I need to find my materinty pants.
Oh those fucking maternity pants. Hello hot sweaty ugly-ass waistbands.


Well, that's all for now.
I would desperately love to get some more art and stories done very soon, if only I can get a little time to focus and be motivated. Hopefully the stars align soon!


PFFFFFFFFFFFFFT, Oh my God, LJ I haven't forgotten about you, although it seems that way! So sorry all my dear friends that I have left kinda hanging here.  I have been busy with projects, spamming my DA page and derping around on Tumblr. Oh my fucking God, Tumblr...give me back my life. I love/hate you.

My muse has returned and apparently had a few energy drinks on it's way, so expect lots of updates on various projects. Including but certainly not limited to Public Enemies!

Well, I'm off to have an actual Valentine's Day with my husband, and have a nice long dinner with no baby interrupting, and drink wine and eat pasta and then come home and cuddle on the couch with a movie. Simple, maybe cliche, but it works.



  So far today has been shit, but I'm trying to salvage it. Sent the little one off on a play date with my mom, so I have some time to catch up on not only chores, but stuff I actually want to accomplish.

The Johnny/Vanessa news continues to break my heart. :(

But now, back to productive things...

  So productive....you don't even know.

Say it Ain't So



 The only reason I am still up is because a certain little monster will not go to sleep. GLARE. She is out on a drive with her father right now, and I can only pray to god they both shut up when they come back, but the reason for this post is...


So I'm channel surfing and happen to see Johnny's pic on Chelsea Lately. I hate that show. But it's Johnny, so you know I gotta stop. Didn't catch what the clip was about, but curiosity started nagging me after Kevin left so I jump on Google and E! and sure enough...

"Johnny Depp and long time partner Vanessa Paradis reportedly call it quits after 14 years"


Holy fuck. Johnny, say it ain't so, baby!

Will wait for tomorrow for more details about this, but really, if this is true, it just breaks my heart. Still, I kinda sensed something was up with our favorite guy for a couple of months. He's been working his ass off, which is great for us, but not great for family life, and in interviews and mags, he just hasn't seemed himself.

Is there no true love in the world? Is everything made to be broken?
This just makes me sad.

Johnny, your fans are here for you through thick and thin. We love you. <3